22/06/2017

Things That Were Missing From The Queen’s Speech

queen23    queen24

  1. Prince Philip
  2. Humility
  3. Any reference to the Conservative manifesto
  4. Any reference to the DUP propping up Her Majesty’s Government
  5. Any reference to screwing old people with dementia taxes or an end to the Triple Lock
  6. Any reference to killing poor people with incompetent fire regulations
  7. Any mention of ‘strong and stable’
  8. Any mention of restoring police and fire service numbers to 2010 levels
  9. Any policies to help young people who voted in record numbers
  10. Any  explanation of what Olivia is up to with Mike and Chris on Love Island or even why Jess has gone before Chloe
  11. Any mention of Donald Trump’s State visit
  12. Any explanation of the difference between Hard, Soft and Open Brexit or indeed what any of them mean
  13. The reason why my social diary is fuller than the government’s legislative diary for the next two years
  14. Why the Queen’s crown has it’s own Bentley to travel around in
  15. Why the Queen’s hat appeared to incorporate the flag of the European Union
  16. Why the government’s Great Repeal Bill is now no longer referred to as ‘Great’
  17. Why a banned flammable cladding is fixed to 600 tower blocks
  18. No support for boys at a Devon school who wore skirts to protest about not being allowed to wear shorts in the hot weather.
  19. Why none of the Queen’s family wish to become a future King or Queen
  20. Why the ceremony was rushed through so the Queen could get to Ascot for the 2-30 race
  21. Who briefed the Press that victims of Grenfell Tower will be offered £5 million flats in Kensington (they are not)
  22. Why the Prime Minister voice increasingly sounds like fingernails scraping down a blackboard
  23.  Why superfood Virgin Coconut Oil is now considered more dangerous than flammable cladding
  24. Why Italian airports are exempting pesto from their banned liquids list
  25. Why Tim Farron stepping down is mourned less than a suicide bomber
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