Is China Still A Totalitarian State? New Laws On The Singing Of The National Anthem Introduced

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China has imposed new draconian measures to ensure their national anthem is being sung properly after initially just banning the anthem being sung at weddings and funerals. A law has been prepared to set the tempo at which the ballad is played and sung. The consequences of doing so are said to be ‘severe’ – probably a lifetime in a gulag breaking rocks with a toffee hammer. Chinese officials have been exorcised by ‘March of The Volunteers’ ‘not being universally respected and cherished’. The government has been horrified at the ‘chaos’ of seeing people laughing whilst the anthem has been playing. The military tune calls on the Chinese people to arise and march on to the establishment of a new nation. While all nations take their national anthem very seriously only countries like North Korea and now China will punish their population for appearing to be disrespectful. In Britain the dirge of ‘God save The Queen’ makes people reach for Little Mix on the iPod and there are only two hundred people in the country who know anything other than the first verse (Yes, there is more than 1 verse, who knew?) – 1 being the Queen and the rest are at Eton. Of course when the Queen passes away we will have a completely new national anthem, Rag n’ Bone man’s ‘Humans’, just kidding, it’ll be ‘If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands’.

Darth Vader Sparks Panic At US School

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Star Wars Day. Student dresses as his favourite character Darth Vader. Parent calls police to report a potential attacker in a bullet proof vest. School evacuated. Armed police were deployed to the school in Wisconsin while they put nearby schools into lockdown. Fortunately for the Jedi knight there was a sensible person on hand to diffuse the situation, Luke ‘Sky’ Walker from Tatooine, Wisconsin who told police the man was his father. As a black suspect in America the man was very fortunate not to have his head blown off before the police asked him questions, and that he had not taken his plastic lightsabre with him. Police said the woman who reported the incident was right to do so as Mr Vader might have posed a threat to the community, if not the universe. The man told reporters that next time he got dressed up he would be going as Ted Bundy because it would be safer to go as a white man.


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