Labour’s Leaked Manifesto – Childish, Horrific and Hilarious – Written By Roald Dahl?

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At least no one could argue that the 2017 Labour party manifesto is not visionary. Trouble is that the vision is Britain in the 1970s – bins not being collected for months, unions holding the country to ransom, the dead laying unburied for up to 6 weeks, unreliable, dirty trains, people (like my dad) having to stockpile candles as the lights went out at sundown, a 3 day week for most workers, high unemployment and the worst music charts in history. This is the first of the main party manifestos and could’ve been written by Roald Dahl – ‘Jeremy And The Heavily Unionised Chocolate Factory, Jon (Ashworth, Shadow Health Secretary) And The Giant Leech, The Twits, Fantastic Mr Fox And The Hunt Saboteurs, Revolting Railways, The Enormous Dialacock, Tales Of The Expected, Lamb To The Slaughter, Guide To Railway Safety (Keep The Guards On The Train) and The Hitch-Hiker (Because The Trains Don’t Run Anymore). As suicide notes go this one gives means, motive and for driving over a cliff. I suspect this is a document aimed at young people who have never lived through a left-wing Labour government and for those older people who did live through the 70s but now have Alzheimer’s and think the 70s is a temperature. Some of the manifesto are hard to argue with; scrapping tuition fees, £8billion on social care, ban zero hours contracts, build 100,000 council homes a year, ban fracking and allow 16 year olds to vote. But, and it is a BIG BUT, the cost of all the pledges will be around…..oh, err….astrobloodynomical. Britain would be bankrupt by 2019, unions will be calling the shots, the rich will take their money out of the economy, investment and research will be lower than Keith Vaz’s belly and the top 20 in the music charts will be taken up with Harry Styles, Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini-Payn and Eurovision ‘legends’. There may be many reasons not to vote for the Labour party but surely the most convincing is that you would be voting for a man who looks like a geography teacher – or paedophile as they are better known.



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