29/04/2017

Crisp Shortage – Japanese Potatogeddon

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To those countries that call crisps ‘chips’ and chips ‘fries’, wtf is wrong with you people? The big news of the week is that Japan is suffering a crisp shortage due to a poor potato harvest. The popular snacks are changing hands for over £8 each as consumers fight in the aisles for the last remaining bags. Japan is not able to import potatoes due to protectionist policies leaving restaurant goers having to pay more for a baked or mashed potato than for Wagyu beef. The Japanese Prime Minister, Shinzo Abe, has described the potato famine as a greater threat to the people than North Korea firing ballistic missiles at them. They really like their crisps. The British government has responded swiftly by declaring some of the Overseas Aid budget will be diverted to Japan by performing Crisp Aid drops over Tokyo. Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has decreed solidarity with the weirdest country in the world saying, ‘We stand shoulder to shoulder….well, shoulder to midriff….with the slanty-eyed mugwumps..what? I can’t say slanty-eyed?…Or mugwumps?….oh, what’s the point of free speech?’ Donald Trump has also intervened asking, ‘Japan? What’s a Japan? Is it an East Asian cooking pot? Can we bomb them?’

Game Of Thrones Made Up Language Dothraki To Be Taught At US University

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If you thought the Japanese were strange… It’s one of the most popular TV series of all time, has millions of devoted followers (more in fact than will vote in our general election…just saying) and has now been immortalised at UC Berkeley in a course entitled ‘The linguistics of Game of Thrones and the Art of Language Invention’ – referring to the completely made up language of Dothraki. How this relates to students taking courses to prepare them for work in the future is unclear. The US is not alone in providing left-field courses. In the UK Cambridge University is recruiting a Professor of Lego, degrees can be taken in Advanced Bread Technology, Horse-Human Relationships, a pizza degree, Puppetry, and Viticulture and Oenology (wine studies). 2018 should see the introduction of ‘The Rise Of Snowflakery and Offendedism’, ‘the Geopolitical Consequences of Potato Famine’ and ‘Mental Health In The UK(IP) – A Study Of Paul Nuttall’.

Election News? Lets all take a day off.  

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