What Have ‘Researchers’ Come Up With This Week?

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1. Can apes tell what we’re thinking? Yes, say experts, they’ve done tests n’ stuff. Real answer? No, of course they can’t, otherwise they would be more intelligent than humans and they probably wouldn’t throw their own shit at each other.  

2. Young women are attracted to good looks as much as men are. A case of ‘experts’ telling us the bleedin’ obvious. Why wouldn’t women be attracted to good looking men?

3. Would having the option of putting an X as gender on a passport help transgender people? No, because everyone who put an X in the box would obviously be transgender…or an idiot.

4. Does ‘eating for two’ when you are pregnant harm the baby? Yes, say the experts, but doesn’t seem to have done much harm to those who brought up children in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. Why would you ‘eat for two’ anyway? The baby is small, it doesn’t need adult portions.

5. Who knew Barry Manilow was gay? That’ll be everyone then.

6. Should mannequins in fashion shops reflect the average size of women (and men) to prevent fat snowflakes getting upset? No, if the shop doesn’t do your size then you must be too fat to wear them. Go to a fat shop.



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