Scientific Research Shows That 33% Of Scientific Research Is Fake

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Fake research is more prevalent than anyone believed according to new data. We have all read reports stating e.g. red wine is good for you, coffee can stave off heart attacks and aspirin can prevent strokes, only to read a fortnight later that red wine is a killer, coffee makes your feet fall off and taking aspirin will cause irrevocable dementia. Perhaps unsurprisingly there has been much discussion over whether one or more of these findings is accurate – they can’t all be. Now, some people believe some of these scientific papers have been fabricated in order to attract further funding. The House of Commons Science and Technology Committee has ordered an inquiry to determine how robust the systems are as the research is mainly funded by public money. There were at least 300 allegations of misconduct at 23 out of 24 of the Russell Group Universities between 2011 and 2016. About 33% of accusations of plagiarism, fabrication, piracy and misconduct were upheld. The UK Universities involved declined to comment. As if to illustrate the point a new study of teenagers has been published today which suggests that struggling to get out of bed in the morning is not due to hormones or a need for extra sleep, it is a result of spending too much time on Smartphones or tablets in the evening. Surrey University found that artificial light is wholly to blame for teenagers and students rising late. Really? I went to University in the 80s and most of the people I knew tended to get up nearer lunchtime than breakfast time. We didn’t have mobile phones, social media, laptops or tablets, just a pen and paper. Granted this tendency to sleep in may have been caused by the 15 pints we’d had the night before but it certainly wasn’t because of artificial light. What we do know is that Time is a great teacher but it does kill all of it’s pupils. My tutors called me average but I thought that was a bit mean. In 10 years time I’ll bet there’ll be a University degree called ‘eye contact’. There is a formula which works very well for today’s students; Room + Internet Connection + Music + Food + Gin – Homework = Perfect Day.


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