25/02/2017

Online Dating Liars Should Suffer The Full Force Of The Law, Says Scorned Woman

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31% of women on online dating sites will respond more favourably to a man using the word ‘whom’. 100% of men on online dating sites will respond favourably to a woman using an online dating site.

A female teaching assistant on the dating app Tinder has called for criminal penalties for men who(m) post a ‘counterfactual’ (lie) profile on the site. 44 year old Anna Rowe was duped into a relationship with a man calling himself ‘Anthony Ray’, which was his first post-truth statement. He claimed he was divorced, had three children, was ‘big league tidy’ and partnered Paul Nuttall to the Men’s Doubles title at Wimbledon in 2014. Mr Ray said he was unable to see Ms Rowe at weekends and his aviation job kept him away for 3 or 4 days a week. Ms Rowe did not regard any of this as suspicious and could therefore be regarded as…..oh, what’s the word……oh, yes……thick as a prop forward’s thigh. 6 months into the relationship Mr Ray disappeared, saying he was going to visit the International Space Station. At this point Ms Rowe became suspicious and tracked her lover down, discovering he had a wife he saw at the weekends and children in the North of England. Being a rather sensitive (alternately described as ‘the wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead) soul Ms Rowe rushed into counselling where the counsellor slapped her across the face for an hour shouting ‘if he didn’t use the word ‘whom’ you shouldn’t have been dating him. Epic fail’.  Ms Rowe now wants the law to be changed to include an offence of ‘lying on a dating application’, with a maximum sentence of 10 years….about the same as a murderer or paedophile. It is unclear whether this legislation would include women who describe their physique as ‘slim’ and turn out to be bigger than a airship, or say they are 30 when they’re older than the Pyramids or have a ‘give and take’ personality when, in reality, if you so much as glance in the direction of another woman, they’ll stab you up.

Rich, Privileged, White American Actors Cane Trump For Creating Divisions

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The world’s most famous Parkinson’s sufferer, Michael J Fox, and the world’s second most overrated actress (after Meryl Streep – have you seen Mamma Mia? -caused more suicides than bi-polar disorder), Jodie Foster, have addressed crowds of right-on anti-Trump Americans at a pre-Oscars rally. The mega-rich stars gave the assembled Libertarians a taste of their support for refugees wishing to enter the USA, although neither of them offered to put up a single one of them or even give them a job cleaning their mansions, tending their gardens or shovelling horse shit from their stables. There are times when you might think the Confederates won the American Civil War. Back To The Future star Fox told the 90% white audience, ‘Your dignity may be assaulted, it may be vandalised, it may be cruelly mocked (that let’s me in then) but it can never be taken away unless it’s surrendered.’ I think he’s been watching ‘Braveheart’; ‘Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live — at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!’ Try telling that to the illegals being bussed to the Mexican border.  Meryl Streep joined the celebrity chorus, ‘You are the Dancing Queen…….

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