22/02/2017

Manchester Pioneers Britain’s First LGBT Retirement Home

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*Sigh* Manchester City Council has become the first to create a retirement home for members of the LGBT community. The local authority says that the LGBT community in Manchester is the largest outside London and expects a rise in the number of those people reaching 65 in the next few years. A report by the LGBT Foundation found that older LGBT people suffer greater loneliness than straight pensioners. How it is possible to quantify and justify those figures is a mystery – we just have to accept the findings are correct because no one has the balls to question these LGBT organisations for fear of being classed as homophobic, trans phobic, bi-phobic or statisticphobic. The council estimates (guesses/makes up) there are 7000 older people who would qualify for a place at the Rainbow Retirement Home and that there will be room for heterosexual pensioners (I’m sure many 65+ heteros would jump at the opportunity).  If this is how social care for the elderly is to be administered how long before there are Indian, Polish, Latvian, Romanian, Pakistani, Somalian, Syrian, Afghan, Hungarian, One-legged and Left-handed Care Homes? Good care should not be based on sexuality, religion or culture but on quality of care across the board. In their survey Manchester Council received a number of telling insights; 99% of women don’t like men wearing leather pants, which works out perfectly because 100% of men who wear leather pants don’t like women and what’s that thing where you’re a woman and only attracted to married men and gay men? Single, it’s called single. A day in the life of this new Care home will include; 8am-9am vegan breakfast and meds, 9am-11-30am Mamma Mia, 11-30am-12-30pm LGBT propaganda hour, 12-30pm -3-00pm Mamma Mia 3-00pm – 5-00pm Right-On MPs visit, 5-00pm – 7-30pm Mamma Mia, 7-30pm onwards mass suicide.

Primark Shoots Itself In The Foot Over ‘Walking Dead’ T-shirt

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*Another sigh* Iconic fashion moguls Primark have removed a t-shirt from sale after a complaint by ONE man. The t-shirt was based on storylines in the US comedy (not meant to be) ‘The Walking Dead’ – an everyday tale of murderous zombies and equally murderous ‘normal’ folk. Oh, who to root for? The garment comprises a picture of a baseball bat ringed with barbed wire and the statement ‘Eeny Meeny Miny Moe’, an obvious reference to the vertically challenged bartender Moe in The Simpsons (no, it isn’t). Customer Ian Lucraft and his wife approached Primark bosses as he believed the wording could be interpreted as the old saying ‘Eeny Meeny Miny Moe catch a n*gger by his toes’ and the barbed baseball bat giving the impression hitting a black person with it was acceptable. Based on this interpretation by one WHITE complainant Primark decided to ditch the t-shirt. It’s difficult to know who is the villain in this piece, Mr Lucraft for his ridiculous thought processes or Primark for their utter capitulation. If we are going to ban items of clothing  or anything else on the basis of one weirdo taking offence then I suggest banning fat, middle-aged pregnant women wearing crop tops (so offensive), ‘amusing’ (never funny) ties and goat hair underwear. The producers of the show will now ensure that any zombie from an ethnic background will always escape the slaughter and perhaps pitch up to a fully inclusive zombie retirement home. The BBC have indicated they will be reviewing their new series about slavery, Roots, after complaints that it depicted black people as ‘slaves’. I need a lie down.

Police Taser Their Own Race Relations Advisor

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*Sigh* Two police officers in Bristol are under investigation by the IPCC in Bristol after tasering a man they believed was a suspect they were chasing. However, the man was later identified as 63 year old Judah Adunbi, who just happened to be a Black Community Relations Champion. Mr Adunbi was subjected to the 50,000 volt taser because he ‘resisted arrest’, which seems reasonable as he wasn’t guilty of any offence other than being black and walking home without a care in the world. The two police officers have now been charged with gross misconduct and, even worse for them, are to go on a re-education course where they will be encouraged to ‘black up’ whilst being beaten to a pulp by fellow officers. Rumours that the officers were wearing t-shirts emblazoned with ‘Eeny Meeny Miny Moe’ have been squashed.

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