06/02/2017

Le Pen Is Mightier Than The Keyboard

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French National Front (FN) leader Marine le Pen has launched her Presidential campaign by promising to offer France a referendum on EU membership if her renegotiation strategy fails. Her manifesto attacks radical Islam and globalisation which, she maintains, is slowly choking communities to death. Now simply known as ‘Marine’, like Madonna, Kylie, Boris and Dipsy, the charismatic firebrand is expected to win the first round in the election but her support base is unlikely to stretch to an overall victory (notwithstanding Brexit, Trump and Colleen Nolan). Le Pen speaks an anti-establishment rhetoric which has proved popular and successful in the US and Britain, yet she is not yet as beloved as the disenchanted and dispossessed who bought into the message Farage and Trump espoused. That is because French politics is very different to that of the UK e.g. one French Member of Parliament went to sleep for half an hour during a debate and when he woke up he found he’d been Prime Minister twice. After visiting Paris a number of times I concluded that no man is thoroughly miserable unless condemned to live in France, a place which proves that hell is full and the dead walk the Earth. It would be unfair not to mention French innovation, they were the first country to eliminate dandruff….by inventing the guillotine and the first to recognise that idiotic rich people will pay premium prices for tiny portions – they called it ‘nouvelle cuisine’.

Record Breaking Queen Celebrates Sapphire Jubilee

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The most over privileged woman in history, Queen Elizabeth II, has become the first British monarch to reach the milestone of a sapphire Jubilee. After reigning over Britain unelected for 65 years people are asking, ‘How does she do it?’ An army of top doctors, a stress free life, free food and drink for life, more Gold than Trump towers, 10 houses (ok, mainly castles) and never having to do a day’s work have all contributed to her longevity. However, she is quite sweet so maybe we can forgive her all the perks – seems quite reasonable that the richest woman on Earth and her family receive handouts from basic rate taxpayers. It’s like being forced to buy a lottery ticket for which there is no prize except to see The Firm traveling the world on our behalf.

Adam Or Mohammed? Who Wins, You Decide

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The BBC have performed a completely unbiased test to see if people with foreign sounding names are offered job interviews on an equal basis with those with Christian sounding monikers. They found that a job-seeker with an English sounding name was offered three times as many interviews as someone using the name Mohammed. As this was the left-wing BBC conducting the tests they did not bother to make applications to e.g. foreign restaurants or retailers – how many white people do you see working in your local Indian restaurant? Zip. Nada. None. Professor Tariq Madood from Bristol University (he got a job then), who has obviously no axe to grind said, ‘What we’ve identified very clearly is that the Muslim sounding person’s CV is only likely to get an interview in one out of three cases.’ Yes, very clear. Anyone seen a Muslim woman working as a waitress in an ethnic restaurant? These ‘concrete’ findings are based on a sample size of only 100 applications for the post of Business Manager. If science were to follow this lead of promoting a theory based on only 100 samples we’d still be in the Dark Ages, treating people with leeches and drilling holes in the head. That should keep people away from A & E.

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