17/01/2017

Brexit – The Final Solution

theresamay2      theresamay3

Prime Minister Theresa May has outlined her thoughts on how Britain should leave the EU. I have covered the main elements of the speech below;

‘When I said just six months ago that ‘Brexit means Brexit’ I had no idea what I was talking about and neither did anyone else. Today I will present an argument to explain exactly what ‘red, white and blue Brexit’, ‘soft and hard Brexit’ and ‘Brexit means Brexit’ means for the people of Great Britain. Let us be frank, these terms are as meaningless as an apology from Jimmy Savile but it is part of the government’s mantra so we will continue to use them. On June 23rd the UK voted to escape the clutches of an undemocratic, bloated, extravagant,  middle-aged white boys club that is the European Union. Free movement of peoples from across the continent has led to unprecedented scales of migration from really shitty, economic basket case countries into rich ones like ours. The British people are very welcoming but they have limits, and that limit is when their town has turned into a mini Poland/Latvia/Romania. Liberal celebrities and politicians who live in predominantly white British areas would have us believe that uncontrolled migration is good for Britain but they are, quite simply, wrong. If everyone was okay with levels of migration they would not have voted to leave in June. I have been asked many times whether the UK will stay or leave the single market – today I can say that we will leave to pursue a policy that would mean plying our goods and services across the globe, a bit like we do now with Saudi Arabia, Canada, USA, Australasia, the Commonwealth, Asia and Africa, but doing it better. For example we make excellent weapons that can flatten a hospital or a school with one sortie, we could sell these bombs all over the world if we left the single market. After the negotiations have concluded I will ask the House Of Commons and the House Of Lords to vote on the deal. If either of them vote against I will immediately abolish the House Of Cronies…Lords and call a general election which should finish Corbyn’s Labour party once and for all and, with any luck, the sanctimonious, illiberal Liberal Democrats. Finally, I hope this clears everything up once and for all, I do not expect to be questioned constantly about the weaknesses in my argument, there will be no running commentary. Do not expect Boris, Liam or David to be any better informed as I have told them nothing. And, if Nicky Morgan puts her head above the leather parapet again I’m going to punch her so hard. So that’s it, I’m off to do a photo-shoot for Vogue, bludgeon a badger to death, then dinner at Luigi’s. Lovely man. Immigrant of course. Thank you for your tolerance.’

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