16/01/2017

8 People Own Half Of The World’s Wealth And That Doesn’t Even Include Philip Green

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Eight people in the world control nearly half of the planet’s wealth. Bill Gates tops the list with around $sillynumbers billion. Gates is a well known philanthropist as well as the inventor of Microsoft Windows; for this alone he should be jailed – anyone worked out how to use Windows 10 without killing the rest of your computer yet? Second in the list is Amancia Ortega (no relation to Daniel) who is founder of Inditex fashion group, which includes Zara. Somehow she has earned $75 billion from the venture – a fashion outlet catering exclusively for the anorexic. Now, if it had been Primark……I could make sense of the figures.  In 5th and 6th place are Charles and David Koch, President and Vice-President of Koch industries – the lines just write themselves for these two. Someway down the list (number 7,855) is Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt who is currently telling the NHS they do not need any more money, just better organisation. Hunt will soon be receiving a windfall of £16.8 million, enough to employ 68 nurses for 10 years, making him the second richest person in the Cabinet (behind Philip Hammond). Hunt is disliked by Junior doctors, doctors, nurses, NHS support staff, paramedics, surgeons, patients, constituency voters, opposition politicians and his own Cabinet. Even Thatcher and Blair were more popular than him. Therefore, he must be a great candidate to oversee the creaking monolith that is the NHS? Let’s be real, Peppa Pig would have more bacon (backing) than Hunt.

24 Hour Surveillance For Employees

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An unnamed retailer and the NHS are considering making employees wear a badge 24 hours a day which can monitor your sleep patterns, social life, illness and aptitude for work on any given day. These trackers will give your employer a full picture of what goes on in your life while not at work. Unions have attacked the idea claiming it is none of an employers business what you do in your spare time – like man picket lines, drink until you fall head down in a gutter or watch ITV on a Saturday night (if you have seen The Voice, Dance, Dance, Dance or even the BBC’s Let It Shine without self-harming I congratulate you – somehow I get the feeling we’ve seen it all before……now if only I could remember where). .Some of the staff affected will agree to wear the badges as long as the CEO’s also wear them – ‘7pm Gentleman’s Club, ‘9pm dinner at the Connaught’, ’11pm – gay brothel dressed as a Nazi’, ’12am – back home to the wife telling her he’s been in meetings all evening’. No, not an evening in the life of Keith Vaz. Maybe though, an evening with Jim, the washing machine salesman.

Sherlock – The Final Problem

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So, Sherlock is over, perhaps forever. The final episode pitched Sherlock and Watson against Hannibal Lecter…. sorry Euros (Mycroft and Sherlock’s sister) and the definitely dead Jim Moriarty. Euros has been locked in a glass cage most of her life but it turns out there is no actual glass to keep her confined. She manages to escape the clutches of everyone on the island on which she has been imprisoned to bait her brothers – how she gets off the island with no one noticing is, in Sherlock parlance ‘a bloody mystery’. Numerous plot lines ensue, most with bigger holes than the Marianas trench. Sherlock has managed to give up his heroin addiction from last week, like you do, and, at one point, a scary clown appears to give Mycroft the heebie-jeebies. Who is or why is the clown is unexplained, like the rest of the episode. The good news is that everything turns out to be hunky dory and we could see Euros return in her own series. For the love of God BBC, please don’t. A once great series has ended rather daftly – as Holmes says, ‘when you have eliminated the impossible, chewed it around a bit, looked at the possible, vacillated between the two, thrown in a curveball and read the Premier League scores, then whatever remains, however improbable, is Keith Vaz.

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