03/01/2017

Time To Revise The Term ‘Terrorist’?

terrorist1  terror.png

Following the New Year attack in Turkey killing 39 people we should stop giving terrorists the label ‘terrorist’ or ‘so-called Islamic State’ as it provides a certain amount of legitimacy to what are, intrinsically, cowards. They kill indiscriminately; shooting people in the back, killing when the ‘enemies of Islamic State’ have no means of protecting themselves, murdering defenceless men, women and children with trucks, bombs, guns and knives. The media have flirted with the notion of calling the terror group ‘Daesh’, which is a derogatory term, but remain committed to ‘so-called Islamic State’. I would venture that renaming them ‘Cowardists’ and showing doctored pictures of lone wolf perpetrators wearing women’s underwear whilst dancing in a gay club drinking WKD may amuse us all and really annoy the ‘Coward State’. terror3.png See? What a pretty lady, possibly Al Baghdadi’s sister.

Cold Case

fridge

Home appliances will form a new front in tackling crime. The latest SMART white goods are able to indicate when they were last used, inform the user by text to your phone and, in the case of the fridge, what should be included on your next shopping trip. Also, if you need an alibi, will tell the police where you were at any particular time. This may ruin the BBC’s next ‘up-to-date’ (which means that sex and bad language will be unnecessarily included) Agatha Christie tale. Poirot will have to interview the fridge, the washing machine, the vacuum cleaner and the self-cleaning oven (I’ve got a self-cleaning oven but strangely it still needs me to clean it. Unfortunately the Trades Descriptions Act does not cover this marketing lie). Even so the white goods will still be better at acting than in the BBC version of ‘Witness For The Prosecution’ – there’s two hours of life I won’t get back.

Of course you still have to be very careful what you put in the fridge as one high profile celebrity couple found out. After one went away for the weekend leaving his partner at home he returned to find a jar of half eaten peanut butter in his fridge – neither of them liked peanut butter. Oops. What a way to find out you’ve been cheated on. Sometimes though sorry seems to be the hardest word. Regrettably I cannot name any names but the good news is that they’re both still standing after the cheat was given a rocket, man.

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