02/01/2017

Passengers G(rail)ing Against Fare Increases

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Transport secretary Chris Grayling has defended above inflation rail fare increases by Virgin and others by intimating that the extra money will go towards better trains, longer trains and fewer cancellations. Long suffering commuters, however, are sceptical as they have heard this line for the last 10 years as the services they pay through the teeth for get steadily worse, arguing that they would get to work quicker on a horse and cart. Rail bosses, currently languishing in abject squalor in a five star hotel in Barbados, have promised they will ensure passengers receive what they deserve – efficiency, punctuality, a seat and a fair pricing structure. They had though been at the Chivas Regal all day so cannot be held to these views. How everyone laughed. A season ticket with Virgin will now cost more than the average wage so commuters would be better off not working at all and staying in bed, leaving London with a shortage of waiters, cleaners, nannies and dog walkers. This could constitute a crisis for bankers, lawyers, politicians, luvvies and celebrity chefs. Everybody say awww.

Cannabis Medicine To Be Legalised

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The UK medicines regulator will effectively legalise an ingredient found in cannabis for use in medical treatments later this year. Cannabidiol has been shown to help with certain conditions such as multiple sclerosis, a sore finger and bad hair days. If cannabis is eventually legalised completely I for one can’t wait to see the adverts.

..more to follow..

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