21/12/2016

Tunisian Man Sought In Connection With Berlin Market Attack

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After arresting a Pakistani refugee in connection with the truck attack on a German Christmas market, the German authorities have released the suspect and are now searching for a Tunisian man. Yesterday German Chancellor Angela Merkel intimated that she would be dismayed if the attacker turned out to be a refugee given asylum by the German State. The police have found documents in the truck relating to the Tunisian – but only found them 36 hours after the incident occurred. That would have been one of the first items discovered along with the body of the unfortunate truck driver overpowered by the terrorist. Why did they continue to fuel the story of the Pakistani suspect? The German electorate is losing faith in Merkel’s policy of allowing over a million refugees into the country and she has an election to face next year. If the killer was an ‘insider refugee’ this could cost  Merkel the election – if it turns out to be a Tunisian ‘outsider’ the Chancellor would probably get her fourth term. This may not be a set up but the odds on the ‘Tunisian’ not being caught must be high. Always remember the first casualty of war is truth.

The ‘Jump’ Leaps Back

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If you like your ‘C’ list celebrities to be in pain, in hospital and/or on crutches then happy days – C4’s ‘The Jump’ is back. Whether hurling themselves down a 70m jump or reaching 80mph on a tea tray in the luge celebrities set out to prove they will do ANYTHING for money and publicity, including possibly injuring themselves for life. What they’ll do to get themselves on the ‘B’ list. In 2016 Tina Hobley was crippled, Beth Tweddle needed surgery, Mark-Francis Burnell (Who?) fractured an ankle, Rebecca Adlington dislocated her shoulder, Linford Christie pulled a hamstring, Joe Swash chipped a shoulder, Sarah Harding injured a ligament and Heather Mills lost a leg…no, she’d already lost that..she hurt her thumb. If that’s not entertainment I don’t know what is. In fact I submit that all reality shows should incorporate elements of ‘The Jump’ – seeing celebrities suffering is a top notch spectacle and makes you feel warm inside. Politicians to be included? I’d pay good money to see someone shoving Keith Vaz over a precipice with only skis for protection, although knowing Vaz he’d bounce down the mountain and land on his feet while being found innocent of everything. Let’s chance it anyway. “I have a dream”.

Mad Doggy Christmas

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A woman in Loughborough has spent £2500 on her pet Chinese Crested hound for Christmas. Last year the dog received a Harrod’s dressing gown and a Swarovski  crystal throne. She could have given 25 homeless people £100 each but instead chose to lavish gifts on her DOG. Yes, a DOG. I imagine the dog needs nothing other than a bone and a few biscuits to be happy but Miss Buttarazzi believes Prince understands not only the concept of Christmas but is emotionally capable of being grateful to receive a panoply of ludicrous presents. 90% of Britain’s children will get fewer presents than the hound but will be jealousy free when they realise they are not a dog. Meanwhile Miss Buttarazzi’s fiancé will be surprised with his gifts; a diamond studded dog bowl and a Vivienne Westwood dog jacket.

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