Library Book Returned……After 120 years


A great-grandmother has returned a library book, ‘The Microscope and It’s Revelations” over 120 years after it was first borrowed. This is unusual in many ways, not least that the library had not been shut down due to cuts to independent thought. Compound interest on the loan has now reached £230,000, which leaves the great-grandmother a choice between paying the fine, finding a good care home or a place at Winterbourne View (where patients suffered shocking mental and physical abuse at the hands of the Care home staff). The librarian who received the book was so excited she slipped on the floor. She was in the non-friction section. I once asked a librarian if she had any books on coincidences, she said, ‘this has just come in.’

Christmas TV Goes Retro – Or Perhaps It’s Just Another Batch Of Repeats


Those looking forward to a bonanza of great Christmas tele look away now. We all expect repeats of TV stalwarts, ‘The Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special’ from 1893, ‘Only Fools and Horses’ and ‘The Two Ronnies’ but the TV moguls have decided that we must be subjected to; Cagney and Lacey, Moonlighting, Murder, She Wrote, Cheers and Coronation Street (Hilda Leaves! 1987). This is TV for the over sixties who can’t remember whether they’ve seen these programmes before. For the rest of us it’s just an excuse to self-harm until Strictly Christmas comes on……………kill me now. Also on are films you’ve seen before or don’t want to see because it’s a bleedin’ animation. Looking forward to the Queen’s Christmas message though – ‘One has had a annus bloody marvellous as befits the richest woman in the world. One’s grandson is courting a slightly black woman who has dabbled in porn. Phillip is already planning a car crash.’


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