29/11/2016

Councils Force Homeless Away From Town Centres

homeless

Since 2010 the number of homeless people has risen by 100%. Councils in Manchester, Birmingham, London and elsewhere have been attempting to eradicate the homeless from in or near shopping centres for fear Christmas shoppers may have to look upon these poor unfortunates who have no home to call their own. Those with enough compassion to give a little of their money are being told by their councils not to hand out money as ‘they may spend it on things we don’t want to them to spend it on’. What? Now we should only give funds if we agree with what the homeless may spend it on? Maybe we should do the same with politicians expenses. There are over 650,000 empty houses in the UK alone, 200,000 of which have been unoccupied for over two years. Is it beyond the wit of local politicians to somehow provide homes for all those who need or wish it? Of course it is. They’re too busy arguing about building a new water fountain in the Town Square or popping off on a taxpayer funded fact finding trip to Mauritius to discover why the Dodo died out.

So, if you’re out and about this Christmas and can afford it give what you can, it may make someone’s life slightly more bearable for a few hours.

Bristow Throws Poison Dart At Abuse Victims

bristow

Darts legend Eric Bristow (for younger readers, he was once the Lionel Messi of darts) has been sacked from his role as commentator on SKY after suggesting the football abuse victims should have ‘sorted out’ their abusers once they had become professional athletes. He also added that some of them were ‘wimps’. Bristow’s comments led to his immediate dismissal and has been sent for ‘re-education’, a tried and tested route which led to Andy Gray (former footballer/misogynist) and Richard Keys (sports presenter/misogynist) never to be heard of again. They are still reportedly in the re-education room at SKY where they spend their days shouting at the padded walls and watching reruns of 70s sitcoms.

FA Chairman Greg Clarke says that the football child abuse scandal is one of the FA’s biggest crises. He obviously hasn’t watched any England tournament games for the last 20 years.

New £5 Note Irks Vegetarians

vegfiver

Vegans and vegetarians are angry that the new £5 note contains animal fats. Campaigner Doug Maw started an online petition to register concerns over ‘this abhorrent practice’, which was signed by more than 13,000 people in 24 hours. ‘This is unacceptable to millions of vegans and vegetarians in the UK,’ Maw wrote in the petition. There is one reasonable question to ask; why are our £5 notes made from meat? I sympathise with the vegetarians, in fact I am one between meals. I’m often asked how you can tell whether someone is vegan or not and I reply ‘don’t worry they’ll tell you in the first two minutes of meeting them’.

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